I suppose I have been thinking more about this recently as I have started to feel the pressure.
The pressure of trying to make a living, the pressure of trying to start a business as well as running a blog, Youtube channel and social media accounts, the pressure of having a three and feisty one year old and the pressure of trying to continue to be a wife, daughter, sister and friend.
Have I become a more stressed Mum, am I craving time away from my girls and am I doing the best job I can?
When I went back to work after having Amelie I worked in London, four days a week and they were long days so I only really had quality time with her on the weekends and on a Monday. I do wonder whether we did more together on these days because I didn’t see her for the whole week and I wonder if I compensated for this out of guilt that I wasn’t with her all the time. But then we didn’t have a second child then, a dynamic that changes everything again, the time you have for each of them and everyone else – suddenly it’s cut again.
I did find that when I was at work in London I craved to have more time with Amelie and I missed her terribly, but at the same time, I loved being Sarah and doing something for me, something that gave me that ‘work thing’ that I needed.
Which is why on maternity leave I started blogging, because I still needed that something for me and through twists and turns I am very lucky to be able to earn some money through it, but it’s also led me to a new challenge and that’s starting to run my social media crash courses for local Mums which again, enables me to earn money through a love I have found.
I suppose I have what we perceive to be the best of both worlds. I stay at home with my children, but I work and earn money.
Win, win right?
Well yes, but my goodness is it tough at times.
From 7am to 7pm it’s just me and the girls and nap times are my work time. If I have a deadline and they’re ill or don’t nap I work into the night and talking of working into the night – I haven’t had more than a few nights off since I started doing this in January 2017. My house is constantly a mess, I am behind on washing daily and I sometimes forget to cook dinner (for us, not the girls don’t worry) – because every other second that isn’t with the girls I am working on trying to make something a success.
I know a lot of people will say that I chose this and if it’s too hard I could go back to work, which I suppose I could. Firstly, I am not a quitter and I think I would be really disappointed if I stopped everything now, secondly, the cost of childcare where we are would more than likely cancel out any of my earnings so it just seems crazy to do that, especially as what I am doing now fits into my CV.
So for now, this is me and I have to try and make my work, work with the girls, without having a nervous breakdown!
Back to my original question then, has staying at home changed me as a Mum?
Yes, it has. I think it has changed me. It’s made me a different person, I’m more determined, I’ve found a new confidence, I’ve pushed myself into things I never thought I’d do.
I thought it had made me more stressed, sometimes a more shouty Mum, but honestly, when I was working I would still get client calls on my day off, if everything went wrong my team would still call me and I would still bring work home – just as I am doing now!
What I do hope is that my daughters can see that if you truly want to make a change to anything in your life you can.
Find your skills and find something you’re passionate about, then work hard.
I see it in my Mama you can series, other Mums that want a change in their life, more flexibility more time with family and they work hard and make it a success.