I went to a playgroup this week with about twenty other mums, all with either one or two children. I’m trying to chat more when I go to these things in an effort to have an adult conversation on days when I’m on my own and also build my own village.
I started chatting to one Mummy who’d just had her second. All was going well until she hit me with ‘and so you’re expecting, when are you due’. Now to set the scene the night before said playgroup I’d hardly had any sleep and haven’t slept well for a few days because of my girls so as soon as she said this I could feel myself welling up. Instead of crying, I pulled myself together and my quick response was a happy go lucky ‘no I’m not expecting I’ve just had a baby, she’s over there, I’m just still fat from it’.
This conversation got me thinking about two things; why oh why do Mums/anyone say this to people and why would I be so harsh on myself?
Why oh why
I just don’t get this one. I will only ever ask someone when they’re expecting if they have told me they are or clearly they’re about to drop I.e 35 weeks about to drop!
Maybe she was nervous and just looked at my c section mum tum and said it, or it was a conversation starter. I really don’t know, but honestly it hurt.
It hurt as I don’t feel that confident after having two children. I didn’t feel overly confident when I had my first c section. I’ve got a weird tummy over my scar and now I’ve had two and also have two scars (as it wasn’t safe to use my previous for Evie) I feel even less confident about that area! I don’t think I’m alone in this though, I googled it, a lot and that proved I’m not alone but even knowing I’m not the only one doesn’t make loving my new tummy easier.
It also hurt as I know I probably need to get my bum in gear and lose some baby weight.
All in all it was generally a bit of a badly timed comment.
Why would I be so harsh?
So I went through the whole, I hate my tummy thing after the event but after talking to a fellow c section friend who was so lovely I have decided inside of feeling miserable I’m going to take some action…
- Bye bye cake. I’m not going to eat anymore cake, definitely not until after our holiday! If you see me near cake, hit me
- I’m going to try and do some work outs at home when the girls are asleep, I see so many people fitting them in so I need to prioritise
- Where possible we will walk everywhere…
- Although we generally eat quite well, things like mochas with loads of calories often sneak into my diet as I’m knackered and crave the sugar! I’m going to try and not to have these and go for a less milky coffee!
I’m also going to try and think a little differently about things:
- Those two scars and odd tummy delivered my two girls and without them (more so for Amelie) I don’t like to think about what might have have happened
- I’m not going to be so hard on myself if anyone ever asks that again and I will change my language. I’m not fat, I grew my baby there for 9 months and I’ve got a few more months to lose it!
And finally to everyone really, a little plea from an unconfident, feeling tired and therefore emotional Mum wait until someone tells you they’re pregnant, especially if they’re not huge as it could really hurt their feelings! Thanks ?
Have you had this comment after having a baby? Have you had a c section, how did you lose your tummy?