Parenting

No I’m not pregnant 

April 12, 2017

I went to a playgroup this week with about twenty other mums, all with either one or two children. I’m trying to chat more when I go to these things in an effort to have an adult conversation on days when I’m on my own and also build my own village.

I started chatting to one Mummy who’d just had her second. All was going well until she hit me with ‘and so you’re expecting, when are you due’. Now to set the scene the night before said playgroup I’d hardly had any sleep and haven’t slept well for a few days because of my girls so as soon as she said this I could feel myself welling up. Instead of crying, I pulled myself together and my quick response was a happy go lucky ‘no I’m not expecting I’ve just had a baby, she’s over there, I’m just still fat from it’.

This conversation got me thinking about two things; why oh why do Mums/anyone say this to people and why would I be so harsh on myself?

Why oh why

I just don’t get this one. I will only ever ask someone when they’re expecting if they have told me they are or clearly they’re about to drop I.e 35 weeks about to drop!
Maybe she was nervous and just looked at my c section mum tum and said it, or it was a conversation starter. I really don’t know, but honestly it hurt. 

It hurt as I don’t feel that confident after having two children. I didn’t feel overly confident when I had my first c section. I’ve got a weird tummy over my scar and now I’ve had two and also have two scars (as it wasn’t safe to use my previous for Evie) I feel even less confident about that area! I don’t think I’m alone in this though, I googled it, a lot and that proved I’m not alone but even knowing I’m not the only one doesn’t make loving my new tummy easier.

It also hurt as I know I probably need to get my bum in gear and lose some baby weight. 

All in all it was generally a bit of a badly timed comment.

Why would I be so harsh? 

So I went through the whole, I hate my tummy thing after the event but after talking to a fellow c section friend who was so lovely I have decided inside of feeling miserable I’m going to take some action…

  • Bye bye cake. I’m not going to eat anymore cake, definitely not until after our holiday! If you see me near cake, hit me
  • I’m going to try and do some work outs at home when the girls are asleep, I see so many people fitting them in so I need to prioritise 
  • Where possible we will walk everywhere…
  • Although we generally eat quite well, things like mochas with loads of calories often sneak into my diet as I’m knackered and crave the sugar! I’m going to try and not to have these and go for a less milky coffee!

I’m also going to try and think a little differently about things:

  • Those two scars and odd tummy delivered my two girls and without them (more so for Amelie) I don’t like to think about what might have  have happened
  • I’m not going to be so hard on myself if anyone ever asks that again and I will change my language. I’m not fat, I grew my baby there for 9 months and I’ve got a few more months to lose it!

And finally to everyone really, a little plea from an unconfident, feeling tired and therefore emotional Mum wait until someone tells you they’re pregnant, especially if they’re not huge as it could really hurt their feelings! Thanks ?

Have you had this comment after having a baby? Have you had a c section, how did you lose your tummy?

Sarah xx

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

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19 Comments

  • Reply theadventuresoflylablog April 13, 2017 at 6:44 am

    Aw Sarah this is really well written, and oh my goodness I don’t know how you didn’t punch that woman!! I’m finding the c-section tummy a lot harder to shift the second time round and has just resigned myself to the fact I will aslways have that ‘ledge’, but you are so right in saying we wouldn’t have our gorgeous babies if it wasn’t for that. Your plan sounds like my plan and a very sensible one, although I can’t stop eating cake and drinking coffee!!

    Oh and you look great!

    Xx

    • Reply sarahsurreymama April 14, 2017 at 7:52 pm

      Awww thanks lovely! Haha I know I really was taken aback. Thanks so much for being lovely xx

  • Reply southlondontot April 13, 2017 at 8:47 pm

    It’s so hard in these situations when everyone is usually so awkward. I bet she must have died inside when you told her you weren’t pregnant..
    I’ve decided recently to go vegetarian to be a bit healthier and try to avoid sweet treats (cos I have no off button and will just scoff the whole family sized bar of chocolate). I think I am working towards getting a balance between healthy eating with being happy and positive about food. Lots of walking is a great idea now summer is nearly here! x

    • Reply sarahsurreymama April 14, 2017 at 7:56 pm

      Thanks so much for reading. I was definitely awkward I kind of ran away haha! I’ve just set up a walking Monday with a friend so Hope that will help! X

  • Reply bigbabybelly April 14, 2017 at 6:31 am

    WHY do people do that, seriously just don’t unless someone has a v v obvious pregnancy bump! My friend did it to a woman next to us at the weighing clinic who was there with her ten week babe – I died!

    • Reply sarahsurreymama April 14, 2017 at 7:57 pm

      Ahhh oh no! I just keep my mouth shut it’s not worth the potential horror of telling someone they basically look fat! Eeek

  • Reply talkingmums1 April 15, 2017 at 11:31 am

    It is so awkward isn’t it when someone says that! Like you I wouldn’t dream of commenting unless I knew for certain! And also like you I’ve had two cs and have that pouch over the scar. I probably (definitely) need to loose some weight but that overhanging skin will always be there size 18 or size 8!! It’s hard to get used to a new shape but it’s your baby tummy, it grew a human being, it’s amazing, don’t let it get to you xx
    #Blogstravaganza

    • Reply sarahsurreymama April 15, 2017 at 11:33 am

      Thanks so much! Yes I think you’re right about the size it’ll always be there… xx

    • Reply sarahsurreymama April 15, 2017 at 7:07 pm

      It is isn’t it but you’re so right we grew out mini people and that’s an amazing thing! I think you’re right about the c section pouch always being there. Oh well. Thanks so much for reading and being lovely xx

  • Reply motherfreckle April 15, 2017 at 11:54 am

    It’s so hard, I think sometimes it’s ignorance other times its just to sat something instead of nothing. Either way it doesn’t feel nice. You’re amazing xx

    • Reply sarahsurreymama April 15, 2017 at 7:08 pm

      I think maybe you’re right, she did seem a little nervous! Thanks so much for reading and being so nice xx

  • Reply thetaleofmummyhood April 15, 2017 at 2:54 pm

    What a rude thing to say. Those first few months after having children are so raw, people should really think about what they are saying to avoid upsetting others. New mums have enough to deal with! Thanks so much for sharing with #Blogstravaganza, hope to see you again next week xx

    • Reply sarahsurreymama April 15, 2017 at 7:09 pm

      They really are and you’re always more sensitive because of the hormones!! Everyone has been so nice about it so I’m moving on now and trying to not let
      It upset me x

  • Reply Musings of a tired mummy...zzz... April 15, 2017 at 5:42 pm

    Must have been terrible for both of you! My tum is wobbly, very wobbly and covered in stretchmarks but because I am only 7 stone people think it must be ok. I am a completely different shape and have extra weight and muscle in different places to before I had my 3 kids. #blogstravaganza

    • Reply sarahsurreymama April 15, 2017 at 7:11 pm

      Thinking back it probably was for her (and definitely for me). You’re right everyone’s bodies change it doesn’t matter what shape you are, everyone has to accept the stretchmarks or c section pouch or yummy. Thanks so much for stopping by and reading xx

  • Reply Lucy At Home April 15, 2017 at 7:53 pm

    I would NEVER ask someone if they were pregnant! I just cannot IMAGINE why anyone would do this?? My youngest is 2yo, and so I’m getting to the point where everyone is asking me if we’re going to have another one. Then I was ill with various things for about 4 weeks, and suddenly there’s a rumour going around that it’s morning sickness! Nope, just ill. Give me a break!

    I know it’s easy to say, but your body has worked really hard creating and maintaining those little miracles of yours (and no doubt it’s still working hard keeping them going and looking after them) so try to be kind to it, and give it a break too 🙂 #blogcrush

  • Reply tinmccarthy April 16, 2017 at 12:37 pm

    I had a similar comment after my first baby and I swear it cut to the bone!

  • Reply Muffintopmummyblog April 17, 2017 at 10:07 pm

    Wow – I’d never say that to someone unless I was 100% I’m sure even if they were in labour I’d still wait until they confirmed it haha! A lady once asked if I was pregnant on holiday when I’d simply had too much at the lunch buffet. My husband thought it was hilarious but I just wanted to run away and cry. Now I look at my actual post baby belly and wonder what on earth I was worried about! #blogstravaganza

  • Reply Honest Mum® (@HonestMum) May 3, 2017 at 3:45 pm

    What an insensitive woman. I had the same a few weeks after my first-a few weeks and my tummy now looks pregnant post two sections and my sons are 4 and 7!!! We are amazing, our bodies are amazing. We must tell ourselves that and believe it.

    Thanks for sharing this, it will help many xx

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