I hate my Daddy

We’ve been going through a particularly difficult phase with Amelie recently, the ‘I hate my Daddy phase’. I had heard that toddlers can go through a phase of favouring one parent or the other so thought it might be coming but when it happens, as with all these difficult stages, we’ve had to adapt and learn what works for us as a family. 

It does seem to be getting a little better at the moment but it’s been and is hard, for all of us.

Mummy, Mummy, Mummy

Amelie and I are very close, I don’t know whether it was breastfeeding for so long, the traumatic start, me clinging to her for dear life as I thought she’d break – but Mummy generally is the only one that will ever do. My Mum sometimes gets a look in but not always! We went through a phase when Evie was born where Nanny had to do everything but 99 times out of 100 it’s Mummy or nothing.

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Everything and every task is a bit of a challenge; Daddy goes to get the milk or drinks in the morning and we have tears and tantrums as Amelie wants to do it with me. Amelie needs a nappy change, ‘Mummy do it’ and when I went out the other night she cried for half an hour and refused to go to bed until Mummy came home and told Daddy she hated him.
I feel so guilty as Amelie’s Daddy is SUCH an amazing Daddy but she just doesn’t let him do anything! It must be awful for him, it’s also hard for me as I feel guilty that she favours me and that a lot of the time I have to drop Evie to go and help Amelie.

I do wonder whether the arrival of this phase has been triggered by Evie’s arrival and Amelie making sure she doesn’t get ‘forgotten’ by me. Of course she never would but in a toddlers mind someone else has come along who also has the same love and attention of their Mummy. As much as she loves Evie I do think there is some jealously and her wanting to get Mummy back to herself. 

I actually think that secretly she wants to go to Daddy but she’s worried if she does that I won’t come back? I’m no child phycologist but I think these are some of the reasons why she’s been displaying this behaviour. 

The whole situation got quite bad recently around the time I was poorly, I  really needed to rest and couldn’t. We decided that Amelie and Daddy needed to spend more time together and also start some fun activities that they could make theirs to try and build their restionship.

What Amelie and Daddy did

  • Daddy bought Amelie a lovely maze puzzle book which they now read every night before bed when I feed Evie. They snuggle up in our bed and spend half an hour doing the puzzles. I then take over when Evie is asleep and read Amelie’s favourite books and put her to bed. I don’t read the puzzle book with Amelie to make sure it’s Daddy and Amelie’s thing. I’ve noticed she always tells me about the book and how her and Daddy love the puzzles.
  • Daddy is a designer by trade (and I am not very good at the creative bits, or not as good as him anyway) so he always makes amazing creations using play doh or paints and I know she loves doing this with him.
  • I try and go out a bit more to give them some time when I’m not around, as I’m at home all week I think this is important for us all.
  • I have also been making sure Amelie and I have time together as well, little things like a trip to the park or even shopping and then a coffee shop treat afterwards. 

We’ve been trying these things for a couple of months now and I think we are starting to see a difference. She’s letting Daddy do a few more things for her, she gets really excited about bed time with him and there is no crying for Mummy. I’ve also noticed she talks about him lots more when he’s at work about what they’ll do together that evening.

When it all comes together 

I thought we had a bit of a breakthrough at the wedding we went to last weekend. I captured (what I think) was a beautiful moment between Daddy and Amelie.  Amelie was a flower girl and Nick the best man so they were both at the front of the ceremony. Amelie jumped off her chair after the wedding and ran to Daddy to show him her dress and the sign she carried down the aisle. She went straight to him and was so proud to show him what she’d done, it really was a special moment.

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As I write this we’ve just had a conversation about Amelie and apparently tonight they were looking through some wedding photos and talking about Amelie getting married one day and she said ‘Amelie marry Daddy’. 

I think we might be making progress…

Have you found your toddler favoured one of you? How did you deal with it?

Sarah xx

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12 thoughts on “I hate my Daddy

  1. Katie Church says:

    Wow you’ve done a great job creating a bond between them. Our toddler favours whichever one of us isn’t there! Daddy’s at work? I miss him. Mummy’s nipped out? I need her!
    Also, situations make a difference. If he falls he wants me but poorly he wants Daddy!
    Well done on a great post!
    #sundaybest

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Laura Mclean says:

    My first daughter went through this, funny enough shes called Amelie too!! It didn’t last long, now were going through it with our son who is 3 and a half, with him it’s Mummy or nobody! He is more clingy to my than our girls ever were!! #Sundaybest

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Kaye says:

    Aww, adore that picture! We struggle with this with my son. Daddy works long hours and I’m a SAHM and he’s always been the HUGEST Mummy’s boy. I feel so bad because Daddy tries so hard to spend time with him when he can and puts on a brave face when Archie constantly wants Mummy. >_< Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Kaye xo

    Liked by 1 person

    • sarahsurreymama says:

      I think it’s definitely got worse since I’ve been at home with Evie on mat leave. Whenever we have a long weekend or hols she grows closer to him so it must have something to do with that. Glad to know I’m not alone. Thanks so much for reading x

      Like

  4. mackenzieglanville says:

    I am so glad things are improving, we went through a similar stage with Aspen when April was tiny. And it soon became when Aspen would say she loved me more, that April would say she loved daddy more. It was a tricky stage, but so long ago now, with Aspen now 12 and April just turning 10 they are both very close to both of us. Adam is 7 and is more all over me, if he is sad or wants cuddles it has to be me, but rough fun play is always with daddy. Beautiful photo too, she’s adorable. #mg

    Liked by 1 person

  5. peterkirchem says:

    Don’t know you and not a great fan of blogs which can often be very egocentric, but yours is an exception.
    Beautifully written, interesting, reflective, not too long and with some great photography. Just saying, as they say! πŸ˜„

    Liked by 1 person

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