I love blogging, I love Instagram and I’m falling in love with Twitter and vlogging.
Blogs have been a big part of my life since Nick proposed in August 2011. I absolutely loved blogs like rockmywedding and they were a big inspiration for me when planning of our wedding. I love the tone and feel of blogs, it’s just normal people sharing their ideas and tips and something really drew me into that world.
When I became a Mummy without really thinking about it I started reading blogs from other Mums and found it a great way to get advice or see what others were doing, because we’re all winging it aren’t we?! I didn’t really use Instagram when Amelie was a baby but I found it when I was pregnant with Evie and loved the inspirational community (and have spent a fortune on things I’ve found on IG)!!
So with a bit of a push from my sister and a niggling feeling that I would love to join the community and share my experiences I took the plunge and started Surrey Mama in December 2016. I’m only a few months in and to be honest I can’t really imagine life without it so I started to question why on earth didn’t I do this all sooner…
The easy answer to all of that is confidence.
I’m one of those people that from the outside seems super confident; I’m a chatty kind of girl, I’m always one to strike up a conversation and my favourite part of my job pre-children was presenting and having relationships with clients. Underneath the confident exterior however is a different person.
I’ve always struggled with confidence and thinking about it now I think that stemmed from my childhood and not really being accepted for who I was. I’m not a naturally skinny person, I have curves and I am never going to be super skinny, it’s taken me a while but I am OK with that. Throughout my school years though I wasn’t and the people around me weren’t either. If I’m honest I really hated school, I never really felt like I fitted into a friendship group and that was probably the start or catalyst for my low self esteem and confidence.
Everything changed when I went to University and then eventually to work. I kind of found my niche in marketing and after a placement year in a marketing role I found a great job at a media agency in London which I loved. I’ve been working in media for over 10 years now and I’ve really enjoyed that career and felt like I found something I was good at.
Through achievements at work and progressing in my career I definitely started to feel more confident in my ability but bubbling under the surface was and is that little voice ‘what will they think of me’, ‘I really hope that was good enough’, ‘do they think I am good enough’?
And I think that’s what has held me back doing this until now; I’ve been worried about what my acquaintances on Facebook might think, I was worried about what my work colleagues might think and I was worried about what my friends and family would think.
But there is a part of me now that cares a little less and that’s probably because I’m now a mummy, my girls absolutely come first and I have less time to worry! My family are my number one priority and as long as they are happy with what I’m doing then I am – I ran this blog post past Nick as I know he’ll give me his honest opinion.
If people don’t like this or what I post then that’s fine – we’re all different and I don’t expect everyone to love me or what I write. Don’t get me wrong, every time I hit that share or publish button there is a part of me that feels really sick but I am learning to try and ignore that a little more than I have been. Life is too short to worry about what people think, so although that little voice will inevitably keep questioning me, I am here, I am happy doing what I am doing and that is enough for me and if people like what I am doing then I’m even happier.
Does anyone else feel the same about blogging and vlogging? How do you deal with that nervous feeling when you publish something?