Lifestyle Parenting

Remembering me  

February 19, 2017

Being a parent is one of the most rewarding, amazing journeys I think I’ll ever go on. I love being a Mummy to my girls, but it can also be tiring, relentless, lonely and you don’t get a thank you. I mean there are no appraisal, bonus or reward structures in place for being a Mummy are there?


I’ve definitely had my ups and downs since having Evie and if I’m honest at times I have felt miserable.

I went on a spa day recently and it really made me think about what the triggers were for my low mood and the need to remember me and put me first every now and again. 
Friends  
When I was pregnant with Amelie I went to NCT classes and found a lovely group of Mummy friends. As soon as the contractions started we were on our whatsapp group chatting to each other and once we were all able to we were living in the coffee shops of Beckenham and Crystal Palace. I had a wonderful support network and we were all going through the same challenges at the same time.

Fast forward 2 years and we’ve moved to Surrey (which we love by the way) and I’m at home with two. Those friends are in Crystal Palace still so I don’t see them very often, any Mummy friends I made here with Amelie are generally back at work and the new ones with two have the same problem as me – getting out to activities with two or to anything on time can be impossible at times. The net of all of this is that sometimes it can feel terribly lonely and when the girls have been ill I’ve gone a week not really seeing anyone in the day, other than a hi if we have managed to escape to the shops.

I find this SO hard. I love to chat, I’m used to a fairly high pressured busy job and being around people is important to me – so I find not having that interaction hard.

Being at home with two in the winter 
Staying at home with the children might seem like a really easy job to some, we just go out for coffee, watch TV and play games all day right? Well sometimes yes, but throw in mountains of washing, a baby who goes through four outfits a day, tantrums from a toddler, a toddler who fights you to eat and it’s often not really as wonderful as skipping to the coffee shop for a coffee.

I’ve also found it really hard parenting a toddler and a newborn baby over the winter months. It’s so much easier to stick them in the double buggy and go to the park in the summer whilst the baby sleeps. Loading them into the car to go somewhere at times can feel impossible.

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Exercise 
There is nothing like exercise to make you feel better, both from a health point of view and just the way you feel. After having a c section I obviously needed to have a few weeks of not doing anything but I’m signed off now so should be doing some form of exercise. Having a long swim at the spa made me remember how good you felt afterwards and how it improves your mood. I don’t do this enough (or at all) so I’m sure this is a contributor.

Time for me
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE being a Mummy and being present BUT I need time for me and to think about what I need. I need time to relax, time to listen to nothing, time to keep fit and healthy, time to be Sarah again. When I have this I know I am a much better Mummy to my girls as my attention is 100% on them and this is really important to me.

Here are some of the things I am trying or going to start doing to try and make sure I find that balance…

Putting myself out there

I have started to make much more of an effort now Evie is a little older to get to baby and toddler groups, to talk to Mums in the park and organise play dates with some of Amelie’s preschool Mummy’s. There is a little group of us now who take our second babies to the sensory room on a Wednesday and its so nice to chat to Mummy’s who are going through the same as you.

Swimming

I love swimming both for the exercise and for the thinking time, my back is also always so much better when I’m swimming regularly, so my aim for the next few months is to try and get in the pool once a week.

Coffee

I often go for a half an hour coffee at the weekend whilst Nick takes the girls to the park. It’s a quick moment for me to just catch up on admin, emails or call my Mum and I find this such an energiser for my mood.

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Babysitting circle

Getting out for dinner, the cinema or even drinks is so important with your other half and we don’t do it enough, but for good reason we’ve just had a baby and we don’t have family nearby. However Evie is older now and is generally ok for a few hours so with some of the friends we have in our village we are going to set up a babysitting circle so we can all get out with our other halves and repay each other through the circle. My Mum did this with her friends when we were all little and she suggested this to me – it’s such a good idea.

Blogging / vlogging

My sister encouraged me to do this back in early November and to be honest I wasn’t sure about it all. I didn’t have the confidence to write, to be behind the camera and just to say what I feel. Something triggered me to start and thinking back it was probably her going to Australia to follow her dream. I initially told a few people about what I was doing and slowly started building it all up.

Looking back I now know I definitely needed to do this, I just didn’t know at the time what it was that I needed to do. It’s great to have something I can own and do for myself and my family and I love doing what I do.

I think it’s important that we as Mummy’s talk about how hard it can be so we can support each other and to remind each other that we need to remember ourselves as well as our children. I hope that this gives some ideas for ways that are quick or cheap to help us all get that really important me time in amongst the sometimes chaos of life with young children.

What things to you do to relax or get that important me time?

Sarah

xx

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  • Reply hellolittlebearcub February 19, 2017 at 9:33 pm

    Oh my goodness mummy friends are so important!! It’s nice to have a support network. Im the same turned to blogging and now vlogging as a way to chat to other mummy’s. It’s a nice therapy isn’t it??

    • Reply sarahsurreymama February 19, 2017 at 9:34 pm

      Yes I really think it is actually. I think I find blogging easier at the moment but have been enjoying the few vlogs I have done.
      Mummy friends are SO important I couldn’t be without them x

  • Reply hellolittlebearcub February 19, 2017 at 10:03 pm

    All credit to vloggers its a lot harder than it looks, I find blogging easier too just lovely to get your thoughts and feelings out and know that alot of other mummy’s feel the same 🙂 x

    • Reply sarahsurreymama February 20, 2017 at 11:41 pm

      Yes I’m really enjoying it. It’s also a lovely community x

  • Reply victorialjames February 20, 2017 at 3:12 pm

    Lovely post ? I got annoyed the other day when my husband had yet another night out (to be fair, he’s only had 4 since baby came along) and I realised I’d had none, so I’ve decided to organise one myself. I remember reading Adele’s interview about PND and her saying she has an afternoon off each week, which I’d love to have but am just going to settle for an hour at Slimming World starting this week…. rock n roll! ?

    • Reply sarahsurreymama February 20, 2017 at 11:41 pm

      Haha everything is rock n roll these days isn’t it! I think any time even a half an hour helps doesn’t it… X

  • Reply Menaka Bharathi February 20, 2017 at 4:09 pm

    Lovely Post! It somehow seems to be the responsibility of the mom when it comes to children #mg

  • Reply Danielle Jackson February 20, 2017 at 5:02 pm

    Great post, it’s so hard to put yourself first sometimes as a mum but it is so important. My thing I do for myself is having long baths while my husband looks after our little one, I get all the products that make me feel good about myself, some candles, turn the lights off and stick some relaxing music on. It’s really basic but I need to be physically unable to watch her in order to shut off xx

    • Reply sarahsurreymama February 20, 2017 at 11:40 pm

      Thank you. It really is hard. That sounds like bliss, maybe I’ll try that one night this week-great tip! X

  • Reply Mary Peterson (@carolinatwinmom) February 21, 2017 at 3:33 am

    I’ve said before that moms of an infant and a toddler have it harder in general than moms of twins (like me!). Much respect to you! #mg

  • Reply the bespectacled mother February 21, 2017 at 5:20 am

    I hear you Sarah. I understand. Years ago I was in the same boat as you but with one child. I started blogging 3 years ago to divert my mind off the struggles and lonliness. Life is, though, tougher with a toddler and a baby. The thing I liked about this post about your current life is – may be it seems little but you are taking out time to do your things. My mommy wishes are with you. We, all the mothers, are all in this together. #mg

  • Reply Lisa Pomerantz February 21, 2017 at 6:57 pm

    Grown up friends and conversations are essential and help with sanity and allow us to bring and offer even more love to the wee ones. #mg

  • Reply Helena February 22, 2017 at 7:11 pm

    You are not alone. I’ve two little ones and understand the need to blog and have friends is soo important.#mg

  • Reply The Queen of Collage February 22, 2017 at 7:11 pm

    You are not alone. I’ve two little ones and understand the need to blog and have friends is soo important.#mg

  • Reply mackenzieglanville February 23, 2017 at 2:17 am

    I wish I even knew that blogging existed when I had Aspen, I don’t know how much I would have got done, but it have an outlet when you feel so isolated is so important. Some days hubby would come home and I would just hand her over and say I need 5 minutes out of the house and without a screaming baby. I was the first out of my friends to have kids and so I felt so alone. It got easier, and I find that even though it seems forever away to you now, when they go to school your friendship group will multiply heaps. But yes take walks, go to the shops, anything to get away from the messy house for an hour is good. And yes make time for you when their dady is home, it’s good for all of you xx Thanks so much for sharing lovely #mg

    • Reply sarahsurreymama February 24, 2017 at 10:54 am

      I know what you mean I often clock watch waiting for my husband to get home! I think you’re right re. When they go to school. I remember all my mums friends were school mums. Thanks for commenting xx

  • Reply moneycorgi February 23, 2017 at 11:52 pm

    I try to force myself to try new things, partly for new experiences but also to meet new people and force myself to socialise more.

    Most people start getting crabby if they go too long without meaningful social contact.

  • Reply rockandrosesmama February 24, 2017 at 10:22 am

    This is a great post and Im so excited to see so many Mamas writing about this recently! It is what I http://rockandrosesmama.wordpress.com/blog about mainly… Mamas embracing themselves and not loosing their self identity… for sanity reasons mainly! Super important… you go Mama <3 #coolmumclub

    • Reply sarahsurreymama February 24, 2017 at 10:50 am

      Thank you! It’s something I’ve thought about more since having two. I’ll check out your blog sounds like a good read for me ☺️ xx

  • Reply motherhoodtherealdeal February 24, 2017 at 11:03 am

    I totally get this. Being a mum is hard work and we totally need time to ourselves so we can better mamas so don’t ever feel bad about that and continue to love yourself so you can love your littles! Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely xoxo

  • Reply creativelyjeanius February 24, 2017 at 9:53 pm

    You go girl! You deserve a little pampering! Mom’s have the hardest job!
    Jeannee@ ShepherdsandChardonnay.com

  • Reply The Pramshed February 24, 2017 at 10:50 pm

    It’s so important to have some “me” time every now and again to focus and remember who we once were before we had children. And, I can understand how hard it must be looking after two all day, but you must make time for you. Thanks for linking up at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x

  • Reply RaisieBay February 25, 2017 at 10:46 am

    When I had my first two I was isolated, I’d gone from working full time to being alone with two little ones (There’s only 17 months between them) The place I lived was quite isolated too, I didn’t drive and there was a bus service every hour and they didn’t allow buggies on the bus then unless folded. It was really tough but I made it, it’s definitely easier in the summer though, when you can just go out for walks. I relied a lot on my mum and eventually made some mummy friends who understood what I was going through. I think a spa day is a great way to get some me time, we really need to look after ourselves too at this time because focusing on babies 24/7 can really take it’s toll.
    #ThatFridayLinky

  • Reply diynige February 25, 2017 at 10:35 pm

    So important to have time to yourself now and again and I agree being a parent is so rewarding Thanks for linking to the #THAT FRIDAY LINKY come back next week please

  • Reply Twin Mummy and Daddy (@Twinmumanddad) February 26, 2017 at 5:38 pm

    It’s so easy to forget who we were before kids. Me time is important, but so hard to find. I tend to go to the gym twice a week, and I also work two days a week. I also have monthly nights out with my friends. Thanks for linking up to #ThatFridayLinky

    • Reply sarahsurreymama February 26, 2017 at 7:40 pm

      It really is isn’t it. A monthly night out is good idea, I need to diarise more of those! Thanks for commenting x

  • Reply Lucy At Home February 27, 2017 at 10:44 pm

    As a mummy, it’s so important to have something that is just for YOU, even if it’s only a quick coffee by yourself. I really enjoy swimming too – I like that I can do lengths and be in my own world with my own thoughts, and keep healthy at the same time #blogcrush

  • Reply Blogger Club UK Linky #57 - My Random Musings March 1, 2017 at 5:51 am

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