I’m writing this two days before you go into school for the first time, the day you start reception. You don’t actually start for another week or so due to a staggered start but all the same, you’re entry into school starts here. The uniform is here, name labels have been stuck on, books read and lots of questions asked.
It’s really here.
It’s been a day I’ve been dreading for about a year, in fact since the day I met you. The day you leave me, the day you don’t need me 24 hours a day, the day that marks the start of your life.
I’m also so excited for you, I know you’ll love it, you’ll flourish and you’ll do all the things you Iove doing; painting, drawing, counting, exploring and learning – your drive to learn is amazing.
But it’s a day tinged with sadness for me, a day where I’m suddenly a bit more apart from you. I worry in case you fall and cry, I worry that you’ll be sad and want me but I won’t be there, I worry you’ll be scared and will want to hold my hand as you do so much still and I worry that you won’t be happy. But, I know, deep down, you’ll be fine. There will be scary moments but you’ll grow so much as you learn what to do. I just hope you still tell me things and bring home your creations.
When I think back over the last four years it feels like a bit of a blur and I just can’t believe where time has gone. I’m so glad that in those early days when everyone told me to put you in your crib, to get out and to get on I didn’t. Our house was a mess, I looked a mess but I’ll never forget those snuggles, the way you slept on me, the way you looked at me, the koala cuddles. I’m also not embarrassed to admit I love the snuggles we have when you creep into our bed in the mornings, I also don’t mind sitting by your bed stroking your hair before you go to bed because if these four years have taught me anything it’s that it all goes way too fast and to cherish every moment.
I’m not saying it’s been easy, goodness it’s been hard at times especially when your sister came along but I wouldn’t change motherhood and all its challenges for the world!
Tonight as I came into your room you said ‘Mummy lie with me’. It’s almost as if you know. So as I sit on your floor, stroking your beautiful curls and holding your hand I just hope that everything you hope and work hard for in life is yours, that you’re happy, that you still want to be my best friend and that you want to hold my hand (sometimes). I’m holding on a little tighter tonight and probably will do until you don’t want me to anymore.
But know Amelie that I’ll always be here for you and you’ll always be my baby.