As I walked through our village the other day I passed two new mums. You can kind of tell the difference between a new mum and a mum of more than one (in my case anyway).
They had an excited spring in their step, their matching Bugaboos looked in perfect (not covered in mud, snacks, sick, snot) condition, they had lovely hair and they were wearing make up.
I wondered what they thought of me pushing a (well used) double buggy which is definitely covered in mud, snacks, sick, snot oh and coffee for all the takeaways I get now as dining in with two is far too stressful. My hair was in a bun and definitely hadn’t been brushed, there was no make up, the lines on my face are more pronounced and I was having a conversation along the lines of ‘no Amelie you can’t have a snack’.
Do you know what I felt when I saw them. Envy.
Envy of that first exciting maternity leave, envy of their care free stroll, envy that they’d probably go and sit in Costa and chat for hours and just a little back of ‘take me back’.
But, my maternity leave with Amelie wasn’t easy, it was full on tough. She didn’t sleep unless she was being pushed and when I stopped she screamed. It was like this for almost a year. She didn’t enjoy baby classes all that much, maybe for a few minutes but generally she’d cry and going to others houses was hard as I’d always be worrying about a nap.
So when I had our second, Evie, I had visions of the carefree maternity leave days I didn’t have with Amelie, but of course that was never going to happen as I had a toddler. It was sods law that Evie was a much ‘easier’ baby than Amelie and I probably could have had those things I seemed to crave with her.
It’s hard being a Mum of two, some days more than others, especially at the moment. It’s full on and I’m shattered.
I suppose on that one day I longed to be those girls, with their shiny prams, the excitement of the new baby and the fun they’ll have. BUT would I change my two girls – absolutely not and would I have really been any happier sitting in a coffee shop all day, maybe, but maybe not.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing isn’t it and the grass always seems greener but I am glad I had these feelings as they made me stop and look at what I had and appreciate my girls. It’s not an easy ride this parenting thing and maybe they’d had an awful night and had slapped the make up on to make them feel better, I’ll never know.
I’ve made a promise not to compare myself again and enjoy what I have, as it’s pretty special, even on the harder days.